Funnier than your mom..!

I'll start this one out with a joke!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. 

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

A game review - 

http://www.kongregate.com/games/nerdook/cat-god-vs-sun-king

'Cat God vs Sun King':

The name might sound stange, but the gameplay isn't, this quick and fast paced flash game takes us to a land of a king, who wants to build a temple to glorify himself (or whatever) and faces resistance from, the cat god, you.

Your objective is to stop the sun king, you kill his minions with different 'god-like' weapons, fireballs, lightning and similar things are only the beginning, with lovable graphics and a basic storyline, this game is must for flash game enthusiasts everywhere!

I give this one 4.1/5, this game's addicting! ;)

Looking to buy a frog?

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Have a nice day, don't forget to comment! ^_^

Need to make some money?

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So funny, you might pass out

Theres a biker riding along the highway out in the middle of nowhere. When suddenly he comes up to a bar and decides to stop for some fuel and food. So he walks inside and notices their are about 3 other people in the bar including the very hot waitress. The biker walks up to the bar and sits down and then looks at the menu above him, he reads...

"Hamburger $2.00"
"Chesseburger $2.50"
"Handjob $50"

So the biker looks into his wallet to make sure he has the right amount of money...after he looks he calls over the waitress and asks
"are you the women who gives the handjobs"

The waitress replies with " Well yes I am stud"

The bikere gets a real big grin on his face and says to the waitress

"Well you better wash your hands real good because i want a Chesseburger"

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"


Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic...I mean, a ginger kid with friends?
Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear Michael Jackson,
You really should have become a Catholic Priest. The pay isn't great, but the benefits....
Sincerely,
The Pope

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Anne Frank,
Two can play this game....
Sincerely,
Waldo

Dear Haiti ,
Is it too early to ask what's shakin'?
Sincerely,
Seriously Going To Hell

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream....What now?
Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely,
Willy Wonka

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Today I'll be reviewing:
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ChainedLupine/legend-of-kalevala
Legend Of Kalevala is a pretty neat adventure game, you're basically an alien in a hostile planet, you've lost all of your memories, and you're trying to retrieve them, along with some cool weapons, you start to remember some stuff.
Recommended, fun game, 3.8/5

Funny

Funnies post:

So this guy goes up to this girl and tries to charm her by saying, "hey, I was going to tell you a joke about my dick...but its too long." The girl replies, " that's funny. I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy...but you'll never get it."

"Playboy just offered Sarah Palin $4 Million to pose nude in the July 2010 issue...

Michelle Obama got offered 50 Bucks from National Geographic....."

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'

The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.

The judge says, 'OK.'

'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'

'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'

Yo mamma special!

Game review-
Red remover player pack 2
http://www.kongregate.com/games/TheGameHomepage/red-remover-player-pack-2
Well, Red Remover is a fun physics game, you actually have to use the ol' brain (damn!) here.
You have to take out red parts in every level, by clicking them. Sounds simple? It's not.
Very good game to not let your brain wither away, 3.8/5

Well, today I'll be bringing lots of 'Yo mamma' jokes

"Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application."

"Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter."

"Yo mamma's so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine."

"Yo mamma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale."

"Two black guys are at a bar talking and one says to the other, you ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?


The second black guy says, yeah all the time.

The first one says, why is that?


The second one says, I think it's the pepper spray. "

"A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

Hope you had fun, and as always, subscribe! :)

A funny side

Well, I'm gonna go on my run in a few hours, I'm writing this post at 4 AM.
I'll probably look strange, as I'll be running in 6~7 AM, people really like to stare at this times.
Guess they figure only old people run at these times. Going to run 11K, hopefully, soon enough, I'll be able to run my normal 18K, I've recently injured my Hamstring.
Not to shabby after a 4 month break, ah?

A joke to start off this post! It's funny, honestly!
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Learn to fly 2
http://www.kongregate.com/games/light_bringer777/learn-to-fly-2
You're a penguin, you want to fly, but you're a flightless bird, darn.
(You can play this before or after Learn To Fly 1)
Well, the game has an impressive upgrade system, with pretty 'to-the-point' gameplay, you launch your penguin to space, and navigate a bit.
It's pretty epic with all the additional upgrades you get when you progress enough, the game is also pretty long, so you'll get some time of fun out of this, recommended! 4.1/5

Funny?

Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Billing
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.



Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."